they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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