You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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