I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
