wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You smell like stripper and shame
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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