This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
