My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize