we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize