..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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