her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
