did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
