So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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