Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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