There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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