Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
