dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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