Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
