wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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