Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
