Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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