tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
