Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize