I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
