State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
