That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
