Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize