oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize