what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
