I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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