Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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