and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
