The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dick very happy bro
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
