Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
