God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
