My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
