he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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