I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my shit smells like andre
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
