dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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