she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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