forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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