Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
