dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
