I wannas sexs uuuuu
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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