me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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