Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
