got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
this just has baby written all over it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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