Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
