The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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