I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
