guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
