do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
