just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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