Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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