the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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