I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
