Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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