I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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