Apparently you make a good broom.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
