Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
