my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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