you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
