Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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