you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
