I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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