I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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