He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How does one acquire holy water?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
