There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
