I wish I could punch you in the face.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
