What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
