shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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