dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
